on monday i ran through a “practice” version of my seminar with the bossman. and i got the “i am so disappointed in you” talk. which led to tears. tears that i held back, but the voice was quivering and i was turning red and the whole thing was mortifying because i don’t ever cry in front of other people. it did motivate me to get my shit together though, and by the time i gave the actual seminar on thursday, i got a “good job” out of the boss. i hung around a little longer, waiting for more praise. but after 20 minutes i realized everyone else had moved on and to look for more praise would simply be a self-serving fishing expedition. i berated myself as i filled up my congratulatory bag of sour jelly bellys – why would i expect more? i was just doing my job. and i got a “good job” – which is quite possibly the best compliment i could get from my PI – as he never gives compliments. so i took it and ran.
i have come dangerously close to ringing someone’s neck. i was having a pleasant conversation before class with a friend of mine – talking about doctor’s vs. physician assistants vs. nurse practitioners – all relevant as her beau is in PA school. and the conversation was interrupted by someone across the room. who started to talk about the physician i used to go to (i stopped seeing her because she wanted me on massive medications and refused to give me birth control unless it was an IUD) and how she just loves her and how she can’t understand what i didn’t like, and it was all “me me me – listen to me talk about me – i am soooo important” and so i let her finish, and turned back to my friend, and picked up the conversation where we left it.
this same student is the one who announced to the class that she has already finished the final exam (a grant proposal on a topic not related to our research) on the day that the assignment was given to us. think about that. prior to the assignment being given, she had already finished it. and felt that announcing this to the class would what, endear her to us? hardly. surprisingly, the collective response was stony silence.
i used to socialize with this student, but stopped because of the gossip.
i’m hosting turkey day this year. i love cooking. loooooove it. i love entertaining even more. and not only is the manfriend going to be in town, but several good friends from another department will be here. i’m hoping to break out ‘settlers of catan’… but have already told myself not to be disappointed if we never progress past ‘apples to apples’. in an effort to be nice, i invited some people from my department – which turned out to be disastrous. apparently the aforementioned student is hosting thanksgiving at her house. where is the disaster, you ask? well, she asked that i not know about it.
wtf? i mean, i don’t care if i’m invited to your house or not. no love lost there. but to create drama by insisting that the people you’ve invited over to your house not let me know that you’re hosting thanksgiving? gah. i shrugged it off and let it go. what else can you do?
anyway. i’m off to battle through the crowds this morning in an effort to complete all of the shopping i can possibly do in a day. and then come home to clean. and organize. and start cooking. and clean some more. how does such a small space get so trashed?