i’ve noticed that wordpress has forgotten my password, i haven’t been loved in bloggerific stats profile in quite some time, and i’m starting to hear the crickets chirp. add that all together, and i suppose i’ve been away for a little while. where have i been?
and climbing some more.
i have only been in classes for two weeks. and yet i’m already surrounded by mountains of primary literature, assignments, and the realization that my dissertation work is moving forward at a snail’s pace. all of this in turn causes me to have little moments where i seize up with dread, a cold fear courses through my body, and my brain starts screaming ‘JUMP SHIP! JUMP SHIP!’ often these episodes happen right before i fall asleep at night, causing me to sleep very little, if at all, until i talk myself down from the impending panic. most of the time i’m quite successful, giving myself the ‘slow but steady, break it into increments, walk through it step by step’ lecture. problems only arise when my mind goes blank, and i can’t get through the logical, step-wise process of my dissertation, forgetting where to go from here, sometimes not even knowing where ‘here’ is.
it’s a rapid-fire semester. there is no “once i get through this, i can breathe a little bit”. unless you count winter break as my “after this i can breathe” point. to complicate matters, i have a dear friend coming to visit on the 20th. it was one of those ‘if you ever want to take a break from your fast-paced east-coast lifestyle, come stay on the farm for a bit!’ conversations. followed by the booking of a flight. at least this dear friend is understanding enough to know that they’ll have to entertain themselves 99% of the time. and my PI has agreed to let me work half-days during that week, as well as give me friday and saturday off. as an added bonus, i get to actually cook for my guest… none of this ‘pre-cook for a month and freeze it all back’ that i’ve been doing, but real, actual, prepared with love, home cooking. god, i love to cook. in fact, when i thought about leaving grad school, i was planning on going to culinary school.
but i digress.
my sanity is being held in place by the fact that i have a climb coming up. and by climb, i mean hike. hyalite summit. the planning (not that there’s much of it) is a welcome respite from the craziness, and i’m looking forward to getting back outside with the dog and up on a summit.